I consider myself a professional traveler. I gained this title in my college years, being a Rapid Rewards member with Southwest and flying back and forth between Orlando and BWI for every break.  I know to wear shoes that are easy to slip out of at security, I can get my laptop out and in its own bin in 30 seconds flat, I check in before I get to the airport and I usually take all sharp objects out of my carry on bags.  Get behind me in a security line and I promise you will not be disappointed.

Even the new metal detector virtual strip search doesn’t really bother me. I do feel like I have to do it an unusually high percentage of the time, but whatever. Maybe one time I will write something really great on my butt in xray proof pen (does that exist?) or draw a smily face on my stomach so they can be entertained in that back room of faceless naked people xrays. It really can’t be the most interesting job in the world.

But until I get that creative, I just like to get through and get to my gate. And on the way to Miami this weekend, the guy in front of me looked pretty normal so I wasn’t too concerned.  I went through the xray thingy, raised my hands over my head, stood still, and then waited for my bag to get through. My heart dropped a little when security came around to get a bag, but they ask that guy in front of me if they can look through his carry on. Of course I’m nosy while I’m putting my flip flops back on because I have to get a look at what he got caught for.

No lie, there was a giant, unopened bottle of water in his suitcase. Like a 2 liter bottle of water.  Packed perfectly. And his come back to the security guard was “its just water”.

Duh, its just water. Where have you been the past ten years?? And where were you the last ten minutes when we waited in line next to ten BILLION signs that say no liquids over 3 ounces? Did you see all the pictures of water bottles then? With the big red circle with a slash through it? No?

Anyway, I’m sure I rolled my eyes, because that’s just what I do, and then I told everyone I was with in Miami about how this stupid guy thought he would get away with all that water. So dumb.

So now I’m back at Miami International and I used my awesome boarding pass that was just a QR code on my phone and I’m going through security, feeling all cocky, when they bring out MY bag and ask if they can go through it.

I had a freaking water bottle.

The only excuse I can give is that I have a super Miami hangover and I must be out of practice. It really isn’t like me. Really.

I’d also like to personally apologize to the guy in LAX who I made so much fun of.  What karma.

See you in L.A….